In Defence of Trying Hard

The Myth of Effortlessness and Why Effort Should Be Celebrated

I grew up as an unabashed nerd and “try hard”.

Growing up in a Chinese household, the ethos of “勤能补拙” (qín néng bǔ zhuó)—diligence can compensate for inadequacy—was deeply ingrained. There was this idea that if you weren’t born with natural talent or beauty, hard work was the only solution. My parents made sure I understood I wasn’t the smartest or the prettiest, but that wasn’t an insult. (I think…) It was their way of preparing me: Work harder. Put in the hours. Don’t leave things to chance.

Then something shifted when I got older. I hit this wall—one built by a culture that seemed to dismiss effort entirely. I watched classmates pretend they hadn’t studied, though I knew they’d pulled all-nighters. At work, colleagues downplayed the extra hours they’d clearly poured into projects, as if admitting effort made their success less impressive.

And fashion? That was a whole other game. Some people looked effortlessly put-together, like they’d “just threw something on” and magically emerged in perfectly curated outfits, skin glowing like they’d never struggled with acne or late nights. Was I the only one struggling?!

It started to feel like everywhere I looked, effort was something to be hidden. There’s this strange idea that if you try too hard, you’ve already lost. The more you care, the more desperate you appear. We’re taught to act like ducks—gliding smoothly on the surface, while paddling furiously underneath.

Nowhere is this mindset more obvious than in fashion. “Effortless chic” is the standard we’re sold: the notion that true style means looking like you haven’t tried at all. Instagram influencers, style blogs, and glossy magazines all push this narrative, as though any sign of effort makes you less stylish. But why? Why is effort uncool? Why is caring about how we present ourselves treated like something to hide?

Here’s the thing: effortlessness is a myth. No one wakes up looking like they stepped out of a fashion editorial or an Instagram feed. That “I just woke up like this” look? It’s usually the result of careful planning, curation, and investment—whether it’s time, money, or energy. Often all of the above! Even “natural beauty” often has a backstory of skincare routines, treatments, and years of trial and error. This doesn’t make it less beautiful, but it’s important to acknowledge the work behind the scenes.

So why do we feel so compelled to pretend that effort doesn’t exist? What is it about trying that unnerves people so much? Why do we equate effort with embarrassment?

I think a lot of it comes down to fear. There’s a vulnerability in trying. When you put in effort, you’re revealing that something matters to you. That can feel risky in a world that often values detachment over passion. Trying hard exposes you. If you fail, it’s not just a failure—you’ve shown how much you wanted it. You’ve revealed your investment, your desire. That’s the ultimate vulnerability, and it’s terrifying. We hide behind a mask of ease because that’s safer than admitting we actually want something—whether it’s to look good, succeed, or just be seen.

But maybe we need to rethink this. There’s something beautiful—powerful, even—about showing you care. When you try, you’re making a statement: this is important to me. Whether it’s how you dress, how you approach your work, or how you navigate your relationships, effort signals intention. It shows that you’re invested in how you show up in the world. And that’s not something to be embarrassed about. It’s something to take pride in.

And let’s get real: nobody’s life is effortless! Those “effortless” looks we admire? They come with their own set of challenges—whether it’s choosing the right wardrobe pieces, maintaining glowing skin, getting enough sleep and exercise, or balancing personal and professional life. It takes planning. It takes work. And that work matters. The idea that we shouldn’t care, or that caring is a sign of weakness, doesn’t hold up when you think about it. We all care about something; we just pretend not to.

Especially for women, there’s immense pressure to make it all seem easy—to achieve success, beauty, and happiness without breaking a sweat. But what if we flipped that script? What if, instead of hiding the work we put into our lives, we acknowledged it? What if we said, Yes, I worked for this, and I’m proud of it?

Because honestly, putting in effort means you give a damn. And that’s something worth celebrating. Caring isn’t desperation; it’s intention. When you invest time and energy into something—whether it’s your style, your career, or your relationships—you’re showing the world that it matters to you. You’re showing yourself that you matter.

The most stylish people I know are open about how much experimentation goes into curating that perfect look. Whether it’s personal style, career, or relationships, the energy you put in reflects your passion. And far from being something to hide, passion is what makes life vibrant.

When I catch myself fretting about looking “effortless” vs “too overdone”, I remind myself to focus on intention. I ask: What details empower me? What makes me feel powerful, put-together, confident? What energy do I want to project? What small personal touch can I add to reflect who I truly am?

So, maybe the next time we’re tempted to downplay the work we’ve put into something, we can pause. Instead of trying to look effortless, we can appreciate the process—the planning, the care, the thought behind the outcome. That feeling of satisfaction when you know you’ve put in the effort and it’s paid off? That’s something real. That’s something powerful.

Who decided that effortless was the ideal, anyway? What do we gain by pretending our achievements come easily? If we valued effort, if we celebrated the work behind the scenes, maybe we’d all feel a little less like we’re faking it. And wouldn’t that be a relief?

As women, we often hear the message to hide our hard work and downplay our ambition. But what if we flipped that script? How powerful would it feel to say, “Yes, I worked for this, and I’m proud of it”?

Maybe the real question isn’t, Why are we so obsessed with effortlessness?—but rather, What would our world look like if we valued effort just as much? Maybe effortless isn’t what we should be chasing after. Maybe it’s showing the world that what’s genuine—what’s thoughtful, intentional, and deeply true to us—is where the magic happens.

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